Garbage for 26th June - AGPU - Jucy Rentals Workshop
...the agenda for the evening...
Run #1555 for the Garden City Hash House Harriers was billed as being the 3rd
most anticipated run for the year. And the enthusiasm showed as OneLoos was
keen enough to arrive at 5:10, but because he didn’t bring safety boots was
reduced to floor sweeping duties until 6:30. Getting a venue for the AGPU
where plenty of piss can be spilt on the floor is always a bonus and JUCY
Rentals rather foolishly entrusted Gloworm with the use of their CHCH
Workshop for the evening.
With the mercury hardly bothering to move above zero, body heat was
essential, so its a good thing there were 30something hashers gathered at 6:30
(what, no photo!) in varying states of readiness. The Right Honourable Gloworm
was dressed to impress but unfortunately forgot his pants to match the suit
jacket and tie. So with only boxer shorts and a bad case of shrinkage the
instructions for the r*n were given. A short trail followed by a long piss stop.
Got that! As usual no one could be fucked listening so I’d get you to type it
out and I’d still have to read through it, and I’d change it anyway, so it’s not
any faster than if I sit there a type it with one finger for about four hours
even though you could whack it out in five minutes because you are a much
quicker, more awesome typist than I could ever hope or dream to be. What the
fuck Labrat; don’t you think I’m gonna proofread this shit!
Run #1555 for the Garden City Hash House Harriers was billed as being the 3rd
most anticipated run for the year. And the enthusiasm showed as OneLoos was
keen enough to arrive at 5:10, but because he didn’t bring safety boots was
reduced to floor sweeping duties until 6:30. Getting a venue for the AGPU
where plenty of piss can be spilt on the floor is always a bonus and JUCY
Rentals rather foolishly entrusted Gloworm with the use of their CHCH
Workshop for the evening.
With the mercury hardly bothering to move above zero, body heat was
essential, so its a good thing there were 30something hashers gathered at 6:30
(what, no photo!) in varying states of readiness. The Right Honourable Gloworm
was dressed to impress but unfortunately forgot his pants to match the suit
jacket and tie. So with only boxer shorts and a bad case of shrinkage the
instructions for the r*n were given. A short trail followed by a long piss stop.
Got that! As usual no one could be fucked listening so I’d get you to type it
out and I’d still have to read through it, and I’d change it anyway, so it’s not
any faster than if I sit there a type it with one finger for about four hours
even though you could whack it out in five minutes because you are a much
quicker, more awesome typist than I could ever hope or dream to be. What the
fuck Labrat; don’t you think I’m gonna proofread this shit!
Fig 1. – Gloworm had everything set up...
Blah blah blah blah... After the usual FAQ’s like; “which way is trail?” and “how many piss stops?” OnOn was eventually called and the FRB’s OneLoos and Dogs Bollocks were already at the 1st check as most others were still figuring out how to exit the building.
A false trail and two long backchecks later and the hashers were no further
ahead in search of the piss stop. While most were milling about at the check,
Lusty advised there were no pubs anywhere near here and that all was looking
rather hopeless. Luckily Wedgie and Knacker Rash headed across the road to cross
swords and found they were pissing on trail, so OnOn was called and the piss
stop was located a few steps away at The Highway Inn. Firkin, Semi Soft and
Ssangyong were already in residence at the bar, having employed superior
short-cutting knowledge. But the joke was on them when all the hashers who
actually made it to the one and only check were now feasting upon FREE drinks of
all descriptions, care of the GCH3 bank account. After a healthy amount of
alcohol had been consumed the call was made for on home for the formalities.
Fig 2. – Even some hussies showed
up...
After Gloworm found some pants and gave another crap speech, our R.A, Navigator ably lead a circle which saw the outgoing committee all fined with something resembling Listerine. 007 did a fine job impersonating the drunken and absent Dagy and Labrat stood in for Pulled Out who had, well, ya know. So with a rousing send off to ‘F*ck off ya c-nts’ we could say goodbye to that bunch of useless w*nkers. Then in some bizarre show of foreign politics the outgoing committee were re-elected in different appointments and given salary increases, new cars and increased overseas travel budgets. Thanks to The Missing Linc
for negotiating that one. Once the car bombs and machine-gun fire had died down some order was restored by new JM Lusty, Mole had managed to complete his 100th run with GCH3. So was presented with a shiny new pannikin, just reward for a hash career spanning 22 years, boasting an outstanding average of 4.5 runs per year. Something to be proud of. The appointment of Gloworm as fines master is sure to be regretted as he promised new levels of humiliation and self loathing in the fines circle. But, a f*cken lot of good he was as that bottle of Spumante he nailed out behind the workshop was really taking effect. Nonetheless down downs were completed by OneLoos, Lusty, Brick Shithouse, Semi-soft and Firkin for various misdemeanours. VasiE tried her hand at a naming but completely
fucked it up so he will have to remain ‘Shawn with no fucking hash name’ until someone has a better idea. SiF was called into the circle to account for his rapist inspired
dress sense and 007 was fined for not shagging Pussy Galore hard enough the
previous night, as she had no trouble walking after their wedding anniversary. The fines circle drew to a close with down downs for the two most prolific cummers at hash; Bagshag and The Missing Linc after Navi had kindly done the stats for the last year. ...Blah blah
blah...
And then there was pizza, straight from the bowels of Satan himself. Some
cried, some begged for mercy, and some just ran away screaming and shitting and
bleeding from every orifice.
Thanks GCH3! What a great
night!
up...
After Gloworm found some pants and gave another crap speech, our R.A, Navigator ably lead a circle which saw the outgoing committee all fined with something resembling Listerine. 007 did a fine job impersonating the drunken and absent Dagy and Labrat stood in for Pulled Out who had, well, ya know. So with a rousing send off to ‘F*ck off ya c-nts’ we could say goodbye to that bunch of useless w*nkers. Then in some bizarre show of foreign politics the outgoing committee were re-elected in different appointments and given salary increases, new cars and increased overseas travel budgets. Thanks to The Missing Linc
for negotiating that one. Once the car bombs and machine-gun fire had died down some order was restored by new JM Lusty, Mole had managed to complete his 100th run with GCH3. So was presented with a shiny new pannikin, just reward for a hash career spanning 22 years, boasting an outstanding average of 4.5 runs per year. Something to be proud of. The appointment of Gloworm as fines master is sure to be regretted as he promised new levels of humiliation and self loathing in the fines circle. But, a f*cken lot of good he was as that bottle of Spumante he nailed out behind the workshop was really taking effect. Nonetheless down downs were completed by OneLoos, Lusty, Brick Shithouse, Semi-soft and Firkin for various misdemeanours. VasiE tried her hand at a naming but completely
fucked it up so he will have to remain ‘Shawn with no fucking hash name’ until someone has a better idea. SiF was called into the circle to account for his rapist inspired
dress sense and 007 was fined for not shagging Pussy Galore hard enough the
previous night, as she had no trouble walking after their wedding anniversary. The fines circle drew to a close with down downs for the two most prolific cummers at hash; Bagshag and The Missing Linc after Navi had kindly done the stats for the last year. ...Blah blah
blah...
And then there was pizza, straight from the bowels of Satan himself. Some
cried, some begged for mercy, and some just ran away screaming and shitting and
bleeding from every orifice.
Thanks GCH3! What a great
night!
Lucy says oN oN!